1. |
derivative chimes
04:02
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before you were done thinking in metaphors
reckless and young, spelled sinking in semaphore
dreams filled your lungs, breathless and self-absorbed
flame kissed your tongue down on the ocean floor
i’m friends with the moon, it’s rather subdued
she whispers a tune and asks what you’re doing
oh, her light grew the gardens of june
my goddess and muse, it’s all for your beauty
prepandemic glistened in your eyes
before the wretched grief metastasized
guilt gone up like dreams all flashing white
or vanished like some polar ice
indecision and the blatant proof
vanity and petty dramas too
all crowded maskless shouting in a room
with tragedy, ecstasy and doom
scared of getting older when i’m drunk
passed out in the back seat of my car
spent the summer and the weekends in a funk
soaking up the fumes in my garage
i’m choking on the melody
trying to cope with the memory
smear my thumb against the screen
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2. |
diet honestism
03:21
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naked making angels in the snow
on New Year’s Eve back several years or more
you were screaming running out the door
I guess the acid was to answer for
angrier and still you lose control
you circle round the drain and overdose
embellished by the brain to soothe the skull
to prove you’re right you won’t ever let go
waking up the morning was a joke
the pure and spotless daylight must have told
bleary-eyed and smoking in the cold
for auld lang syne our memories disposed
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3. |
hills
02:44
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we only value being young because the pigs think we are scum
left to complain “what have they done?” manipulate ad nauseam
our tastes arranged by years of useless, profusive trivialities
the endless spray of babbled sound coagulates to clot, confound
please escape their pressured pound, even thoughts our senses drown
each moment racing, evasive and elusive
so cradle yourself in a palm
panting waves, the currents crazed
introspection run around
this is where you used to drown
I spent my currency of youth seeking existential truth
I imply impaired abuse, I’ve imbibed beyond excuse
but life in vain ain’t painless without meaning
life is always painful, baby
you hesitate, the moments run - and tesselate to tie your tongue
please embrace it when it comes, I’m amazed when I succumb
the moments wholly force me to surrender
oh, used to drown
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4. |
anemic cinema
02:20
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we watched your blood turn thin,
out of your skinny limbs
from vitamins your cabinets kept in jars
decided eating habits were a farce
I hate to lose a friend
you don’t get my jokes no more
I’ll explain them but you won’t
when I’m knocking it’s well known
always plain to tell
conscious life has done you worse,
don’t compare when you’ve been hurt
I’m concerned about your health
of course the pain would dwell
I only noticed you were home
when your shoes were by the door that’s always closed
got your filter on, hope the germs don’t suffocate your world
such a lonely time, hope you’re satisfied
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5. |
ocean memory
02:10
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try to capture the flickering light
or the smell of her perfume just right, I swear
light a candle and I close my eyes
light a candle and the salt air comes in waves
and sprays, the weight of sun above
the wind, of all the thousand grains of sand
you’re stuck inside a picture with your closest friends again
vineyard haven on September nights
and the feeling of the autumn morning air
black dog for the rest of our lives
eating breakfast on the roof without a care
I don’t mind the water’s warm always now
what’s a feeling of contentment without doubt?
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6. |
alprazolam
02:19
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she's so icy icy
fortnighly
young in jeans
& her heart is so hyphy
got me dumb on that love shit
it don’t matter cause i’m cut with aloneness
if you wanna get next to me
burn me in effigy
keep on running to a star’s falling
pink hair fades to strawberry orange
you
yeah, you
you know how to get downers?
trust me i’ve been down there
you
yeah, you
you don’t wanna get damaged
trust me i’ve been down there, yeah
blue light on your cheekbones
back seat on the ride home
late night, you could flirt with a grin though
blush breaks through the fog on the window
i’m there when it’s lonely
downstairs in the morning
i’m lost in my thoughts and your feelings
you’re caught with the spins on the ceiling
first time like you know me
next time like you won’t leave
lips lock like a secret you’re keeping
piss drunk on your lust and your breathing
i’m lost in my thoughts and my feelings
we’re caught with the spins on the ceiling
i’m lost in my thoughts and my feelings
we’re caught with the spins on the ceiling
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7. |
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straight for your bottom lip
close your eyes, i can feel your intention
kissed you while the full moon waned
would you be entertained
undressing in my bed
press my skin against your chest
i had a dream you were with me in my room
kiss me
so I can finally know how you taste
keep something venomous down in a basement
and you imagine a scene
yeah your eyes are a photograph you can’t fake it
kiss me
so you can finally know how I taste
now my bedroom is soundless and faint
I’ve been floating for hours in this place
I remember your smell - was it real?
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8. |
gordon quantize II
03:30
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outside in all the vibrance
siphon solitude
a strange and forced arrival
spinning from a dusty room
out in the dizzying world
flashing like an advertisement
or a buzzing neon glow
there’s a looming empty silence
convalescent and morose
got the future blues
can’t shake the feeling of impending doom
it’s a strange wave on a mistake
i regretfully induce
until it cascades and i escape
to forget my point of view
you abstain, never partake
never needed an excuse
in the same place, what a strange wave
you survive but didn’t choose to be
out in the dizzying world
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9. |
makeout canada
02:20
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I can’t stop I’m barely breathing
heartache tore the pieces off the clothes you wear,
in my mind every time
till I’m fossilized and bleeding
static on the TV turned down, lights are off
your body abandoned
while your guilty conscience seeping
sleeping with the moonlight tangled
talk me out
if you sang my first name
I’d bend and break and misbehave
you fall right through the branches skewed
I think we knew
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10. |
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first it starts
it’s so small
then your hair and your head’s up the wall
takes you by a surprise
you’d forget in the moment you’re closing your eyes
too much thought
its too hard
when the memories and photographs flow through my heart
you should know
you’re special, you’re special
not like other ones
meanwhile further south you foamed at the mouth
had to turn around, turn the beach boys down
at the hospital or the hotel bar
you were hostile, I felt nothing at all
I’ll be waiting to send you the blue in my eyes
montreal, I’m not your boyfriend now
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11. |
sleepwalk lavender
04:45
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12. |
frank
03:53
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strung out on garland
down in the doldrums
after the party
i want to dissolve to
all the faint places, the seven year traces
i’ll count them all, so you can keep it in check
after the bullshit
after the pills hit
after your self-doubt coerces a visit
after all of my views have been crushed and abused
you fell apart, you see, you fell apart
as long as you’re the only one
who knows the awful things you’ve done
it’s never what you thought it was
you can’t control your selfish tongue
i’ve plumbed the depths of my addiction
past the point of least resistance
is this life or just subsistence
or the sound of giving up?
“i swear the desperation fades
to empty time and faithless days”
you said, inside your head
down the the doldrums
strung out of all things
miserable mocking
sniffing and coughing
coax me to stop
decisions they rot
as long as you’re the only one
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13. |
lambic skeleton
03:21
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i’ve gotten too old and twisted,
you’ll have to find another
someone less ashamed
someone wiser, with a withered mind
who only has their secrets, i’m no one to judge
finding out emotions you’ve been hiding
subconscious dreams expired
strung out seeping on a wire
and drained to release potential,
the tension so tiring
a few shades darker still,
lost as the spotlight swells
down on a blacked out stage, actors entertain
tangled fates
dust in the light’s wake
engulfed in shame
tell me your darkest thoughts, i helped you play the part
i told you everything, i told you everything
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14. |
seltzer loop
04:57
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is it a city that you work in?
I’m not ever certain
sure, if it’s a steel pole, it might be a lamp post
so get yourself some real clothes,
buy yourself a go-pro
the world’s outside your window,
I’m sitting home by myself
you’ll forget about my problems
it makes you feel alright
now the punks down on van brundt st are busy with the daydreams
burning lots of sage, getting ready for the stage reading
long as they get paid, wonder “isn’t life amazing?”
when you meet someone real they just look at you like you’re crazy
oh, my my, and it happens all the time
still surreal that I’m alive to say the least
and your worth isn’t whole, it gets smaller each day
you’re at work, then you’re home on a bus or a train
and your words and your goals aren’t always erased
you can run, you can run it gets further and further away
so you start a conversation just to say some vain shit
sudden motivation, feeling so complacent
he could be enough but only when you’re fucked up
she could make you blush but only when you fucked her
sentimental excess
called a friend of mine, wasted
he knows a thing about regret
face it, more facts glisten in the bottle that you’re sipping
than you got up in your hat, underneath your intuition
like a trap star in the past, driving drunk on the lower level
you could use some help, man, don’t you think you’ll ever settle?
headed towards a home town existential breakdown
throwing out your phone, now I’m lying on the front lawn
a gin and tonic to vomit, or chronic alcoholic thoughts like a faucet
feeling psychotic - it’s symbolic!
me and the psych ward chauffeur are sitting in the courtyard
wonder if we’ve lost it, call us the bergen pines prophets
I don’t know where weeks went in September
but I’ve been looking, said I’ve been looking, I’ve been looking out for myself
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Shocking Twist Closter, New Jersey
cut and paste since 2005
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