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pregame the postgame life

by Shocking Twist

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about

what's the first thing you can remember?

2012-2015

credits

released January 31, 2016

All songs written, produced, and performed by Eric Holsten, with:

Lucas Jampolsky - drums, track 5

"andre brut" produced by Lucas Jampolsky and Eric Holsten

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Shocking Twist Closter, New Jersey

cut and paste since 2005

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Track Name: lacuna inc.
does it seem so easy to forget
all the passing feelings, cheap regrets
of a night spent seething, self obsessed
she's half undressed for you

doesn't seem so easy now you're there
don't forget how the fleeting pieces pair
wide awake and nervous, lying there
does it seem so easy?

now, I was asleep I had fallen again
passed out in front of my friends
where did their memories begin
when did my memory end
drunk dial dreams for fonder feelings
another blackout defeat, please let it go

so won't you please remember my name
next time around
hope you don't feel so ashamed
I do it all the time, do it all the time now

we both wake up just like before
caress the sheets between the folds
we'll be alone and only longing lightly
muscles tighten, for a moment feel
the morning rush of blood, controlled release

quiet pleasures breathing close
if only memory's a joke--
forget the ones you loved the most
to laugh at empty times alone
you wasted restless passion on a stranger

but these silent words are hell
a broken image standing still
is it easy to forget?

we kissed until we drowned
Track Name: balcony theme
I am a worm and no man, soft pink flesh patterns dance
while they burn out my insides
alive, awake, every moment I'm burning up
with thoughts you'd despise, dear
they flicker and die, drift off into white senselessly
forgive me they're only my darlings I don't want them to keep

knees in the grass, an everlasting longing
and the smell of summer rain

but flowers fade, the grass it stains, all that is flesh withers away
her voice was the color of a cloud, eyes green afternoon sound
every wasted sound, every wasted sound
every wasted moment was just emptier,
to have and then forget later--to hold until she's bored,
I hope there's someone else to get her to the party,
leave and follow fleeting things I could not borrow--
tiny starlight diamonds lost till evening finds them falling down

tonight I want to become part
to numb so well
Track Name: penguin lyf
it's not about you, it's just a metaphor
perplexing on the inside, nothing changes
you're still caught in your own harms: you tarnish the truth
from bloodshot eyes to bloody noses
no excuse for empty oceans

senseless and pensive
under-attentive, I walked down to finally find a liquor store
when the feeling fades I'll be an empty drawer
along with the writhing, indelible crisis
what if the memory never subsided?
it's not about you
Track Name: andre brut
tonight's cheap champagne is next day's migraine
up all night, just to get the facts straight to the brain and through the blood-barrier, like life lightheaded loses character

singing some amnesic hymn,
hands clenched in fists the fingers grin
they're crossed, all save their next of kin,
one dozen crooked cousins' sins

voice stained with a nicotine drawl, the words draw out a languished fog--the smoke may rise, all ashes fall intentionally

but in event of failure, abort yourself: impair first
a feeble glimpse is an ideal whim
bound to breathless gaps and spins
all moments pale--too brief, too thin

said it was the andre brut, none of that cheap shit

no gods, no masters
to tend black pastures
just washed-up actors
stuck playing has-beens

heavens I adore you, fix me up with your blonde twin sister,
she's a dream, but I'm a fixture in my room,
sighing all evening I stare at a screen to placate my acute anxieties--every smirking disbelief, I'll resign to grind my teeth

and on a fucking friday night
its glassy eyes and pretty lights, man
'cause everybody has a vice,
an easy way to pass the time, besides
how else can one dispose of it? used to know but you'd forget

expired memories, my darling, in the street: to seek, to hold, to have, to peak, to crash and go to sleep, and after all it happens every single week, repeat, repeat, repeat

I will die laughing to cry after, "hope I was a sincere bastard"
I cut slow but I bled faster holding on to tenderness, let go

said it was the andre brut, none of that cheap shit
Track Name: jesse
[THE FURTHER AWAY I AM FROM THE HUMAN RACE, THE BETTER I FEEL, THE BETTER I FEEL. TWO INCHES IS GREAT, TWO MILES IS GREAT, TWO THOUSAND MILES IS BEAUTIFUL.]

in the morning I close my eyes and lie awake in bed
all the birds outside my window call me funny names
sometimes I get up, sometimes I start my day, sometimes I go back to sleep

[I DON'T LIKE THEIR HEADS, I DON'T LIKE THEIR FACES. I DON'T LIKE THEIR FEET, I DON'T LIKE THEIR CONVERSATIONS. I DON'T LIKE THEIR HAIR-DOS, I DON'T LIKE THEIR AUTOMOBILES. I DON'T LIKE THEIR DOGS OR THEIR CATS OR THEIR ROSES. I DO NOT LIKE THE HUMAN RACE.]

strolling in the park--

[PEOPLE ARE NAILED TO THE PROCESSES. UP, DOWN, DO SOMETHING. GET UP, DO SOMETHING, GO TO SLEEP. THEY CAN'T GET OUT OF THAT CIRCLE. I JUST GO TO BED FOR THREE DAYS AND FOUR NIGHTS, PULL DOWN ALL THE SHADES, AND JUST GO TO BED. GET UP, SHIT, PISS, DRINK A BEER AND GO BACK TO BED. BUT WE HAVE TO GET UP AND DO IT, GO BACK TO SLEEP.

I THINK SOMEDAY...THEY'LL SAY THIS PSYCHOTIC GUY KNEW SOMETHING THAT--IN DAYS AHEAD, MEDICINE, HOW THEY FIGURE THESE THINGS OUT--EVERYBODY SHOULD GO TO BED NOW WHEN THEY'RE FEELING LOW AND JUST GIVE IT UP FOR THREE OR FOUR DAYS.

I HAVE PERIODS WHERE, YOU KNOW, I FEEL A LITTLE WEAK, OR DEPRESSED. FUCK IT.]